My new, favorite joke, part 2

Kudos to Amy for sending me the following joke. :-)

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A Chicago family of Cubs fans heads out to shop for the youngest boy's birthday. While in the sports shop, the son picks up a Cardinals jersey and says to his older sister, "I've decided to become a Cardinals fan & I would like this St. Louis jersey for my birthday." His big sister is outraged by this and promptly whacks him upside his head and says, "Go talk to Mother!"

"Mom?"

"Yes, Son?"

"I've decided I'm going to be a Cardinals fan and would like this jersey for my birthday." The mother, outraged at this, promptly whacks him and says, "Go talk to your father!" Off he goes with the Cardinals jersey in hand and finds his father.

"Dad?"

"Yes, Son?"

"I'm going to be a Cardinals fan and want this jersey for my birthday." The father then proceeds to whack his son in the back of his head and says, "No son of mine is ever going to be seen in THAT!"

Back in the car and heading home, the father turns to his son and says "I hope you've learned something today."

The son says, "Yes, Dad, I have."

"Good, Son, what is it?"

The son replies, "I've only been a Cardinals fan for an hour, and I already hate you Cub bastards."

Maybe Mrs. Parker was onto something

In the movie "A Christmas Story", Ralphie wants a Red Ryder, carbine action, two-hundred shot range model air rifle for Christmas. Ralphie's Mom (Mrs. Parker) was really against the Red Ryder idea, because she was sure he'd shoot his eye out.

Now, if you recall, back in January of 2006, I had LASIK eye surgery, and am very happy with the results. I can see 20/15. The only problem so far, is that I no longer have my "coke bottles" as my protective eye gear. And thus, have a new fear of "shooting my eyes out". Go ahead, laugh it up, but I've worn glasses since I was five or six, and my eyes have always been "protected". Now, these wacky events are happening...

4/06 - During a torential rain at lunch, a HUGE rain drop splashed into my left eye. I LOVE wearing sunglasses, so maybe I should wear them on cloudy, dreary, rainy days too.

3/06 - Enjoying a nice lunch with friends. I ordered water with lemon, and when I squeezed the lemon, it squirted directly into my eye! Now, when I squeeze lemon, I hold it an arms length away and close both eyes. Although, this does seem like a good reason to order diet coke instead of water :-)

My new, favorite, silly joke.

Kudos to Jodie for sending me the following joke. :-)

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One Monday morning a mailman is walking the neighborhood on his usual route.

As he approaches one of the homes he notices that both cars were in the driveway. His wonder was cut short by Bob, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles. "Wow Bob, looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night." the mailman comments.

Bob in obvious pain replies, "Actually we had it Saturday night. This is the first I have felt like moving since 4:00 am Sunday morning. We had about fifteen couples from around the neighborhood over for some weekend fun and it got a bit wild. Hell, we got so drunk around midnight that we started playing WHO AM I?"

The mailman thinks a moment and says, "How do you play that?"

"Well all the guys go in the bedroom and we come out one at a time with a sheet covering us and only our "privates" showing through a hole in the sheet. Then the women try to guess who it is." The mailman laughs and says, "Damn, I'm sorry I missed that."

Probably a good thing you did," Bob responds. "Your name came up seven times...."
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A new high; well, it might be considered a new low.

This morning, I parked my car in a downtown lot, and set off on my little walk into work. Yes, as usual on Mondays, I was pretty damn grumpy. I got to a stop light and was waiting at the cross walk when SOME LADY had the nerve to walk up and stand right next to me and wait too. I grumbled to myself, "Who the heck is this?", and "Why is she standing right next to me?" I looked over at her, didn't recognize her, and then proceeded to take a couple steps forward and to the right. GRRR. "HA, no standing next to me!"

Wow.. I really AM grumpy on Mondays! This is a new low for me! ;-)

Update - 4/18/06 - Last night on the drive home, the song "Don't Stand So Close To Me" was on the radio! :-)

Daydreaming about...

• Being a bike messenger
• Playing my guitar
• Driving a race car

AOL owes me ten minutes and two seconds.

A while ago, my Mom asked me to cancel her AOL subscription. You see, she rarely gets online, and $20+ a month for slow dial-up service that frequently loses its connection isn't really a bargin. So, on 4/4, I called the toll-free number that I found on their Web site. To make the whole process easier, I just decided to act as if I was Mom, and here's how the dialogue went (well, as best as I can remember) :

Me: Hi, I'd like to cancel my AOL subscription
AOL: I'm sorry to hear you want to cancel your subscription, are you switching providers?
Me: No
[Pause]

AOL: Are you switching to broadband?
Me: No
[Longer pause]

AOL: Why are you cancelling the subscription?
Me: I no longer want the service.
[Very long pause]

AOL: You no longer want to use the Internet?
Me: Yes, that's correct. I just want to cancel the subscription.

AOL: Well, I'm sorry to hear that. Let me open your account and review it. I see that you've only been using an hour or so each month.
Me: Yes, that's correct. I just want to cancel the subscription.

AOL: We have other plans that might fit better, for $15.99 you can have blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. And for $9.99 you can have blah blah blah blah blah blah...
Me: No thanks, I just want to cancel the subscription.
[Long pause]

AOL: Well, what did you use AOL for?
Me: To read the news.
[Long pause]

AOL: Well, are you familiar with Keywords and how they work? They offer you a quick and easy way to access News... blah blah blah blah.... You can also shop on AOL by going to blah blah blah blah blah blah...
Me: No thanks, I just want to cancel the subscription.
[Long pause]

AOL: Ok, here's what I'll do, I'll adjust your subscription so that you have FREE access for 30 more days. We won't bill your credit card for these 30 days. During that time you'll still be able to access the great features of AOL, including blah blah blah blah blah blah... Then, at the end of the 30 days, if you no longer want the service, just give us a call and let us know that you want to cancel your subscription and your credit card will no longer be charged.
Me: No thanks, I just want to cancel the subscription. I want it cancelled today, I don't want to call back again. I just want to cancel the subscription.
[Long pause]

AOL: Ok, please hold for a moment.

AOL: I've cancelled you account. By cancelling your account today, you'll no longer be able to access AOL to use Keywords, Shop, E-mail, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah....
Me: That's what I want.
AOL: Ok, please hold for a moment.

AOL: We're sorry that you've decided to close your account with AOL. We have closed your account. Your confirmation number for this is xxxxxx. A confirmation letter will be mailed to your home address. This change is effective today. You'll no longer be able to access Keywords, Shopping, E-mail, blah blah blah blah.... If you change your mind, you can simply call us back to re-instate your account. Then you'll have access too Keywords, Shopping E-mail blah blah blah blah.... AOL offers a variety of plans to serve your needs, blah blah blah blah...

At this point, I figued it was safe to hang up, because I had the confirmation number.

I approached the whole process knowing that I'd get the "hard sell". I think that might be why Mom asked me to just take care of this for her. I found the whole experience to be HILARIOUS. With each sales pitch, I'd mute the phone and just giggle. Poor guy, I know it's his job, but that doesn't mean I can't have a good laugh. :-)

As it turns out, many people have had problems cancelling their AOL account. I'll be sure to check with Mom to make sure she received the cancellation letter and that her credit card isn't being billed.

Favorite New Words

Every day, new words are added to our vocabulary. The following are just a few of my new favorites. Included with each entry is information on how to pronounce the word, the meaning of the word and the origin of the word.

Cute things my newphews say and do - 2006

That's right. Like any proud aunt or uncle would do, I'm setting up section to outline some of the funniest, cutest, silliest, crazy things my two nephews do. My nephews are Cody, who turned 6 in 10/05 and Kyle who turned 3 in 10/05. I love them both dearly, and hope someday they enjoy these entries.